At number 5, we talked about silence and how it can trick us into thinking we’ve reached agreement when really, we’ve just reached the end of someone’s willingness to speak. For number 4, we’re moving into a tougher but vital truth about Carefrontation: it takes courage to be clear.
#4: Clarity Is Kindness, Vagueness Is Cruelty
There’s a temptation in feedback conversations to soften the edges so much that the core message never gets across. We sprinkle in “sort of,” “kind of,” and “maybe think about…” until what should have been a sharp, constructive moment is a foggy suggestion.
The intent behind this vagueness is often good. We don’t want to hurt feelings or damage relationships. But the result is the opposite. Without clarity, people can’t act. They walk away unsure of what to fix, what to keep doing, or how urgent the situation is. And that’s not kindness. That’s leaving them in the dark.
In Carefrontation, clarity is the highest form of respect. It means you value the other person enough to give them the truth they need to improve. It’s not about being harsh—it’s about being precise. Think about it: would you rather hear “You need to tighten up your discovery questions in client meetings” or “Your calls are fine, just keep doing what you’re doing, maybe with a little more structure”? One of those gives you something to work with. The other leaves you guessing.
How to Practice Clarity in Carefrontation
- State the behavior, not the judgment.
Instead of “You’re careless with details,” say, “You missed including the pricing update in the last three proposals.” - Anchor the impact.
Link the behavior to its effect: “When those details are missing, it slows down the approval process and creates frustration for the client.” - Spell out what success looks like.
“Going forward, double-check the proposal against the updated pricing sheet before sending it out.”
This structure keeps you specific, actionable, and clear. No hedging, no sugarcoating that blurs the message.
What I love about this lesson—and why it’s one of my top Carefrontation moments—is that it forces us to recognize that growth doesn’t come from vague encouragement. Growth comes from clarity, and clarity requires courage.
So next time you’re about to hedge or soften too much, pause. Ask yourself: “Am I being clear enough that this person can actually do something with what I’m saying?” If the answer is no, you’ve got work to do.
Coming up: #3. This one is all about a surprising truth—Carefrontation doesn’t just change relationships, it changes reputation.
